So as I start the first blog of this month (sorry yawl been
a bit tumultuous lately) I think back to an episode of Wendy Williams that I
saw some months ago (How YOU doin’ Wendy!) where she was talking to journalist
and host Al Roker. Al was discussing his habits and quirks since having weight
loss surgery and he talked about something that put my crazy meter on pause. He
discussed carrying a scale EVERYWHERE he goes because of his constant fear of
regaining the weight he’s worked so hard to lose. He talked about weighing
himself multiple times a day and night and about how nutty it is to be so
concerned with progress or lack thereof.
I immediately started crying because I knew about that feeling all too
well.
Weight, for many of us whom have had a lifelong “friendship”
with it, is something we always think about. We all go through bouts of trying
to lose it, hating it, crying about it, and then making peace with it
(i.e. If god wanted me skinny he would
have made me that way). On the contrary when you embark on a weight loss
journey (whether it be au natural or through other mean like surgery) weight
essentially becomes your life. You work at losing, change your diet, exercise,
and life style and once results are seen you are either motivated to continue
or u get comfortable and complacent and halt your progress. In some respects you figure (well most figure)
that after surgery your work is over. Those of us living the experience are well
aware however that after the knife is where the work begins.
I believe the episode of Wendy Williams struck a chord with
me because I too utilize the scale on a consistent basis. Especially now that
my weight loss progress has slowed, and my body and metabolism have caught up
to one another. I find that if the scale says I’m up a pound or two I tend to
feel a bit discouraged, depressed, and defeated. I start thinking the worst
things like: Did I stretch my pouch? Have I reversed all the hard work I’ve
done by eating that pickle? And other nonsensical things that stem from my
constant insecurity about weight. It’s at those times that I remember only PART
of this process is physical the rest of it (I’ll say a good 60 percent) is
mental.
We all have heard stories
about people who have had the surgery that have (over time) regained the weight.
Many of us think to ourselves “how could someone go through this and gain it
all back?” The answer is not simple, but
it does have a lot to do with the unhealthy relationship many of us had with
food prior to having surgery. I, just like many of you, have times where I want
to eat certain non-healthy items. I try
not to deprive myself, but rather make healthier choices for long term success.
I work out quite a bit (which is harder now since I have a back injury) in
order to continue to mold my body into what I would like it to be. My goal is
NOT to be skinny, but healthy and comfortable in my own skin.
Like Al Roker I am guilty of weighing myself constantly (about
twice a week mornings and nights). There is a huge part of me that feels like
at any moment I could screw all this up and balloon back up to 300 plus pounds.
That feeling is sometimes hard to cope
with. That fear of going backwards after making so much progress is utterly
debilitating. Despite this I forge ahead
with a bigger picture in mind. I owe it to myself to live the best life I can
and be the best me I can be. In that respect I know that I must continue to put
real effort into maintaining my progress, even when it gets hard. I refuse to
go backwards simply because it hinders me from going forward. I share this with you guys because I’m certain
others feel this way. Sometimes no one understands but those of us whom have
gone through it. If you feel this way at times I encourage you to share it …with
your friends, family, heck even me if you feel they can’t or won’t
understand. This process is hard enough
by itself, but it makes it easier to feel like someone, somewhere understands
just what you’re going through. Trust me, I do! Until next time my loves
…Beauty, Lace and a Slimmer Waist.
~B~
Got a comment or a question?
Leave it here or hit me up:
Sistersinsurgery00@gmail.com
https://www.facebook.com/shehotta
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