So as I
approached my rebirth day (or my surgery anniversary) I was going over the many
issues I came across with how others viewed my decision to have surgery.
Despite being blessed with a wonderful group of friends, family and co-workers who
provided nothing but positive remarks about my decision I was met with the
naysayers and haters who were intent on making me feel remiss about my
decision. I had quite a few people remark as to how I was choosing the easy way
out, or suggesting that maybe I should try other options.
Those who knew me best knew the roller-coaster of diet mania
that I was a privy too since I was a child (we’re talking like ten years old
folks). Weight watchers (I watched it go down, and right back up) Jenny Craig
(Jenny Comedy-cause I didn’t drop a pound) grapefruit diets, the soup diet, the
cayenne pepper concoction that makes you see stars because you aren’t getting
any food but you’re convinced that it’ll be worth it? Yea those were just a
few, not to mention the pills popped, the frozen (disgusting meals) labeled in
your grocer’s freezer as “lean” or any part of “cuisine”. I tried it all
people! Not to mention all the pills popped, the supplements taken, the
calories counted, and the endless exercise videos purchased only to eventually collect
dust in the corner of my workout area. Despite not getting anywhere with these
methods I had still had the freedom to decide what I wanted to do with my body.
If I worked hard all week and wanted a cookie (or 5) on the weekend then I
could do so. If I wanted to reward myself with a greasy hamburger from the
local hamburger stand I could do that too! On the contrary AFTER surgery none of that was
feasible.
I keep in mind that anyone who remarks that going through
this process is EASY has never experienced dumping syndrome (your body’s way of
telling you “I DON’T LIKE IT, GET IT OUT OF ME!). Nor have they experienced the
pleasure of your whole entire pallet for food consumption completely changing,
in other words now you eat it, now you don’t! In addition they have never experienced
a blockage the immensely painful feeling you get when a piece of food (usually in
my case chicken which I love) gets stuck in your opening and forces its way
back out. Sound easy to you? Trust me it
isn’t and anytime I’ve experienced anyone of these things, my recovery has
taken anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour. I guess “easy” is in the eye of
the beholder right?
For me my decision was more about longevity, sustainability,
and changing my life and less about vanity or ease. It was taking my life into
my own hands and deciding whether or not having this surgery (which could have
killed me) was worth the risk of not getting up off that table. It was a
decision, a commitment to ensure that I never returned to my 300lb
uncomfortable, obese frame and I live with the regrets and benefits of my
decision daily. I remember my first few weeks of recovery questioning myself
and my decision. Wondering why I chose to put myself through all that pain just
to make a difference. With every horrible protein shake I consumed I thought to
myself “bitch you could have been eating chili cheese pastrami fries right now”!
I say all that to say that I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I hadn’t made
that decision. Who knows, I might have continued down the path to diabetes or
something worse. I might have continued to be outwardly comfortable with my
weight while inwardly struggling with my body image. I might have continued to
be trapped in a life that was far from living.
Despite having restrictions, I wouldn’t change my decision
for the world for one simple reason, because it was MY decision. I did it for
me, not friends, family, attention, or praise. I did it because it was time for
me to take control of my body, my habits and MY LIFE! Truth is I couldn’t be happier.
What about you? Are you unhappy in your
skin? Did you make a decision, but you’re struggling with your results? Are you
contemplating making a change in your life, but scared of what other’s may think,
do, or say? Why? Feel free to comment,
email, or share! Until next week my
sisters! Beauty, Lace, and a Slimmer Waist J
~B~
This pretty much how I feel. Its not easy. The results are great. Its not for everyone but some people need to have surgery if its been a life long struggle & every other alternative doesn't work. This may be your only option if you want to live a healthier life. Thank you so much for sharing your story. More people need to hear our stories before they start judging us for our decision. Congratulations on your success!!
ReplyDeleteAre u kidding me? I lost friends because of what I chose
ReplyDeleteTo do. My own mother begged me. But, it was the best decision I could have done. I am 18 months out and down 113 lbs. Still 35 from my goal. I hate food getting stuck. For me its always chicken and shrimp. I lost a lot of my hair and cried because I always had full hair. Was it worth it? 1000 times yes
FA B i agree with you it was well worth it. Chicken works my damn nerves but i love it so. I still want to lose 25 or 30 lbs but i'm so happy!!
ReplyDelete